In these trying times, it’s good to look to those who are knowledgeable and experienced. That’s why Suzi Q has put together the below guide. Suzi Q is a long standing practitioner of self isolation (she rarely leaves her section or her house for that matter), regularly spurns human contact, and spends a large portion of each day on personal hygiene. Let us hear her wise words….
- Stay at home motherfluffers!! I’ve never understood this coming and going thing. Where do you go? Why do you go there? What do you do there? Having said this, do not, I repeat, do not constantly be all up in our faces! We know we’re irresistible but that’s not our fault. Your neediness is embarrassing.
- I hate to break this to you, but hoomans are stupid, dirty creatures. My tolerance rarely goes beyond the two I have to live with. There is no need for any more hoomans in your house – tell them to puss off!
- Don’t buy all the loo roll!! I need it to lounge around in.
- Wash your paws regularly – I use my tongue but I’ve been informed by the hoomans that you guys need to use soap and water. How overly complicated.
- Only have essential items delivered to your home. Apparently cat accessories aren’t considered essential! Purrsonally, I can’t live without catnip and a designer bed, but fortunately my hoomans are well stocked in these areas. Choose a non-signature option to avoid hooman-to-hooman contact and specify where you’d like items to be left. I usually leave dead mice on the front doorstep – just a suggestion.
That’s all there is to it. Hopefully your simple hooman brains can cope – although I have my doubts. If you have any questions, please don’t ask me.